Okay, so it’s cut and dry. There have never been any easy fixes. There won’t be. I haven’t found them nor will you. However I will do my best to provide for you the stepping-stones of which I never had the luxury.

I walk the path of the queer witch. He whom I have yet to see defined. He is not a stereotype; he is not a category, or a picture next to a string of words defining him in Webster’s dictionary. He is change, diversity, passion in all its forms and intensities. What though, is a queer witch? Why a “queer” witch? Why the separation if gays are always trying to just be accepted and fit in? I as a gay male, a queer witch will try to explain this as best I can from my perspective. I do believe we people should all be treated equally. Still there are those who would stifle me in my own magical community with ignorance. Sexuality is not a lock or bind on my magick on the contrary my magick is imbued with it. My identity as a queer colors the window in which I look through, the scent of the flowers on a summers eve, the touch of a mans hand upon my skin, The sound of hostile slang’s “ That’s so gay” “ What a fag”, and the taste of his lips at the end of the night parting with quickened breath and looking in his eyes as my heart skips a beat as if it’s the 1st time.

Oh yes, being gay is much more than whom I sleep with. It’s in every part of my being. I am other. I am not female I have no feminine organs. My body would be male, but my soul is neither and both.

As a minority we strive harder. Always trying to make friends, longing for that which completes us.

We are the faggots, the homos the sissies, the queers. Known by a hundred other names. All he same thing.

I remember now. Looking back hearing the words rolling over me like a wave of cold ocean water every fiber in my being striving not to collapse under the weight of the hate and ignorance, day after day after day.

Searching for kindred, I found older men something so warm so safe so great. They would understand I knew it. I would be embraced with open arms like a lost brother after many years of separation -Stop the record- NOT A change was near but not before many years of naivety meeting older men thinking I had something getting used and thrown out, Like a pair of latex gloves at a doctors office. What did I think of these vile beings? What do I think of them now? Well thoughts and ideas change with time. I feel bad for them and I hate them. Yes I hate who they allowed themselves to become. I see a cycle let’s say I was the naïve one and each of them was corrupt. Naïve boy meets corrupt man. Corrupt man gets what he wants and leaves on cruel and unusual terms. After this happens with several others one of two things happen. You become he whom which you have groan to loathe the sickened pervert who used you and should come across a certain miss Lorena Bobbit, Or like myself you don’t victimize, you take time out, you heal, you start again, and learn to love yourself. You may not be so naïve anymore you have a better grasp on who to stay away from and where you make “friends”, but now. You don’t need to frantically find that one, because you’re not that lost child anymore.

What happened when the change came? I would love to say something magical happened that day. When was it? I don’t even know really, but I accepted it. I said it. I’m gay. I embraced it. No, people didn’t change. Slander still came. Words still hurt, but with time much of the pain shifted into initiative to be me, a me like I have never been before because what did I have to lose?

In alienation I found camaraderie with myself and with those like me. I found strength and endured. No longer am I the adolescent silently screaming love me because I love myself. It isn’t about Male energy- Female energy. Magick is the essence of the great cycle. Life, Death, Rebirth. Want, need will to do what it takes to get it. Emotion, passion. Endurance and persistence. Magick is personal connection with deity. Its evoking that which is truly who you are deep inside where you come from what makes you in essence you. As a gay man I look in my mirror and that is VERY much a part of who I am it tints my humor, my speech the way I move everything. That day, which seems so close and so long ago just a blur racing by me, the day I made the transition to Gaywolf my life was forever changed. I am happy to be who I am proud, and empowered.

My identity as a queer has given me an initiative to do everything I never got to and everything I have always wanted. I know I will. When I call out to the universe it is heard echoing across the vast dessert, the deepest oceans, the hottest flames, and roaring winds to get where I want it. The deities hear me as I cry out to my creators in my quest to know, and dare, to will and keep silent when need be. The elementals surround me when I call out their names. Because I do one thing that above all the universe respects, I am myself no shadows, or illusions. Just me, bare, clad only by my identity, beliefs and will to succeed. SO when you tell me I cant do ritual or be a witch because I’m gay, I laugh because you have lost the message. Who made you Diana, queen of witches? Who deemed you witch, authority of the universe?

And what made you the keeper on the queer mysteries? You realize you aren't right?. There are masculine, feminine, and queer mysteries. And I am to learn them all as best I can… sex will not hinder me discrimination has no hold on me. And persistence will guide me on my journey. I tightly grasp my staff as I take my journey between worlds between male and female, love and hate, mundane and magick. Keeping faith. In hope and knowledge that all things will end as they should, I will have lived well created and fulfilled my destiny and made a change.